For the Curious: On Becoming More Mindful
aka how to stop your thoughts from doing a number on you
I ran a session this afternoon for a group of people who’ve had cancer about how to live more mindfully. I planned this session in months ago and I knew that it would be the first session I’d run with this group this year. We had three sessions together last year but then paused for the festive season. When I planned this session, I wasn’t being that mindful. I was often getting carried away in my thoughts, ruminating excessively about life and all that other stuff. I wasn’t noticing when my thoughts were running away from me, nor was I noticing that I was thinking rather than feeling. And this realisation was a prompt for me to make a change.
I’ve experimented with meditation before. Not long after I finished treatment for breast cancer in 2016, I finished a spell of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and my therapist referred me on for Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (M-CBT). M-CBT is often recommended for people who have experienced ‘recurrent major depression’ and run the risk of relapsing. The aim of the sessions was to help the group (there were around eight of us I think) become more aware of, and to relate differently to, their thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. We were taught, through several different approaches to meditation, to begin to see thoughts and feelings as passing events in the mind, rather than to identify with them, engage with them or treat them as accurate representations of reality. The idea was that through this mindfulness based approach, we’d stop engaging with thought patterns that exacerbated depression and disengage from cognitive routines that had got us into trouble in the past. I wrote about the experience for Stylist at the time because it had such a profound impact on me. Here’s a little of what I wrote:
When my CBT practitioner suggested I undertake an NHS course in Mindful CBT (MCBT), I was sceptical. I’d tried meditating before and found that, conversely, the practise often brought up more thoughts and feelings than it alleviated. While I knew that mindfulness had been proven to benefit those with anxiety and depression, I couldn’t fathom how it might help me deal with my own demons. The prospect of sitting with a group of people and talking about our issues filled me with dread, but willing to try anything once, I decided to go along to the course with an open mind and give it a go.
In the first session, I sat in a circle with ten strangers as we took over 10 minutes to eat a raisin, and wondered what on earth I had let myself in for. But when someone who had done the course before described it as “life changing”, I figured it was worth persevering.
And the impact on me really was a game changer. For the first time in my life, I had tools at my disposal to stop my thoughts from spiralling into a big mess of overwhelm and anxiety. It felt like a big deal. I was using regular ‘breathing space’ exercises to help me when I was overwhelmed and I was meditating for 30-40 minutes at least once a week.
Then life happened. Somehow I got out of the habit. Much like previous times I’ve tried meditation, it slipped off my radar. I continued to have mindful moments in my day to day life. I tried to think about cleaning my teeth rather than a to-do list for the day ahead, I continued to make an effort to notice the sky and the light and take a few big deep belly breaths while I was lying in bed reading my book. But some of the intention behind each of these ‘mindful moments’ seemed to have got lost somewhere in translation. Fast forward to a few years later when I was doing a mindfulness module as part of my EMCC accredited transformational coach training and I couldn’t get a regular mindfulness practice to stick again. I convinced myself I just wasn’t cut out for it.
But late last year, I saw that Headspace had an offer for a year’s membership at a hugely discounted rate. I treated myself and on 23rd November, I started meditating daily for 15-20 minutes. For the last 75 days, for at least three minutes a day, I have sat on my bed, feet curled under my hips, back straight and I have breathed.
It has provided me with so much space and clarity. I have meditated when I’ve been stressed, I’ve meditated when I’ve been anxious. I’ve meditated when I’ve been nothing more or less than just fine. I’ve meditated when it has felt like an inordinately large chore (i.e when I couldn’t breathe through my nose because I was bunged up with cold) but being more mindful, giving myself a short break to check in with my body has been monumental for my mental health.
Not only that but I think being more mindful makes me better at my job. It makes me a better coach, a better friend, a better partner. I can listen out for the messages my body is sending me and figure out how to respond to them. Because the body is always talking to you - you just have to pay attention. Tune into the radio so you can receive the broadcast.
Meditation isn’t for everyone but, being more mindful, in a world which is increasingly full of distractions, can be for everyone. Taking just a few minutes or even seconds to feel your feet on the floor, or the way your belly expands and contracts can go a long way to helping you feel more steady within yourself. Just one or two mindful moments a day can go a long way. And this is something we spoke about in my group today. Red traffic lights can be a reminder to take a breath. Washing your hands offers the perfect opportunity to reunite yourself with the present. Taking your shoes off and putting your feet on the grass is a beautiful way to ground yourself.
I just saw this quote which feels like it hits the practice of mindfulness and meditation on the head for me:
"Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for all these things" - Thich Nhat Hanh
I guess the point of this ramble isn’t to get you to download Headspace or Calm or any of the other great meditation apps out there. I’m not here to evangelically try to convert you. But I’d ask you how you feel about mindfulness? How do you bring a little bit of presence into your every day life? What activities naturally feel most mindful for you? For me, meditation aside, pass me my walking boots, some snacks and take me to the countryside and you’ll never find me more in the moment.
What I’ve been working on
I recently added a few creative health tools to my website and a Stanstore. I wanted to create a place where people can get some of the benefits of the stuff I talk about on a daily basis - whether with my coaching clients or through the other work I do around creative health. So far I’ve added a template to create your own Manifesto for Joy and details of a 30 Day Creativity Challenge. You’ll also find the end of week review I shared with you here over there too.
I’m planning to add more of this stuff in due course. I really want people to benefit from the ways creativity can improve your wellbeing and I’ve gathered a some pretty great tools to help people do just that which I want to share. I’d LOVE IT if you wanted to try the 30 day creativity challenge and share some of the bits and pieces with me?
I also recently recorded a really short breathing space for one of my clients. I’m adding it here so you can have a go at a moment of meditation. Let me know if you try it and how you get on?